These were the thoughts churning in my head as I was driving to work on a rainy Monday morning, but an hour into my job the answer to my question dawned on me. I work in a school cafeteria with six lovely ladies. This day we were serving nectarines as a fruit. For some reason the students went crazy over this brightly colored skin, sweet and fleshy fruit. Apparently not a lot of people know how fragrantly delicious a nectarine can be, including my dear friend and co-worker, Josi. She took one nectarine and saved it aside to taste it after work. We quickly ran out of this fruit and I saw Josi put her nectarine back as a student happily grabbed it. This may seem silly or trivial, but Josi was so excited and happy to have given “her” nectarine away that she giggled about it. I told her that God will bless her for even the smallest gesture of goodness and sacrifice.

2 Thessalonians says “Never get tired of doing good”. Galatians 6:9 says “Whenever we have the opportunity we should do good for everyone”. That means even giving away a nectarine… I know it’s not much but we should all do good wherever we find ourselves, and whomever we are with. In Josi’s case it wasn’t a gesture of grand proportion but a sacrificial goodness indeed. The main point is that it’s always better to do good than not, because Galatians 6:7  instructs us that “…we always reap what we sow”. We may show favor and kindness to someone today but God will bless us in a different way, on a different day: “Don’t get discouraged and give up for we will reap a harvest at the appropriate time” Galatians 6: 9-10. I know God will bless Josi when she least expects it for her random act of kindness.

Whenever we can we should infuse our days with doing good like let someone with less groceries in front of us, bringing in a neighbor’s garbage can, clean house for a person in need, take a meal to somebody, mow neighbor’s grass if needed, help an elderly load their groceries in the car, tell someone you are proud of them, encourage each other with kind words whether they lost weight, or went back to school, or that they are being great moms, dads, friends, wives, husbands. The list can go on.

So if life gets too repetitive and mundane, and we can’t whisk off to Paris on a moment’s notice, then we should follow God’s advice in Galatians 6:10 and do good to everyone whenever we have the opportunity. We should never feel too important to help someone in need, as Galatians 6:3 points out. Our purpose is to bless one another in big ways, small ways and unexpected ways. At one time or another we all have experienced that gratifying, humbling feeling, that jolt of joy in our hearts when doing good for someone. The most wonderful thing about it is that the selfless generosity, and kindness, can in return salve our own souls with goodness and the desire to do more of it!

Word of the day: PENCHANT

By Roxana Phillip-Hackett
Roxana is a wife of one, mother of two, who loves to share her faith with sincerity and honesty from her home in Hendersonville Tennessee. 

Piglet is commanded by Owl to be brave when he is caught in the middle of a terrible storm. Courage is not the absence of fear altogether. It’s quite the opposite; is to be frightened but have the ability to overcome fear, not eliminate it. For me, that’s where the struggle lies. I have an abundance of fear, and not a lot of ability to overpower it. I am at a considerable impasse in my life. I am really confused about what God’s purpose is for me, what kind of abilities do I possess, what to do with them, and how can I generate an income through these abilities.

We, as a family, have been faithful in little things, have prayed for God’s guidance, and yet we are not moving forward.  I, somehow, feel forgotten in my distress, redundant in my prayers, stagnant in my scopes, extremely impatient, tired in my soul, and very discouraged. I have been seeking God’s will, but I am still unsure of it…

Self doubt is taking a massive stand against me, and I simply lack the courage to follow any of my desires, or ideas… The curious thing about having courage is that it has to stem from a certain source that propels someone to act on their fear. For me, even though I’m terrified of the uncertain future, that source is trust. Jennifer Rothchild, the writer, says: “God knows that sometimes fear and trust share the same beat” (Walking By Faith). That’s the exact place I am at right now. I am full of fear, and yet I trust that God will make it all better in his perfect timing, and that is the source of my courage. It has to be. There is no other source.

All I know is that God made me passionate and effervescent, and I have this deep desire to matter in some significant way, to change for the better, to always be kind to people, to reach out to help, and for help, to feel explosive with goodness and righteousness. This feeling of mine reminds me of what G.K Chesterton wrote in the Paradoxes of Christianity: “…seek life in a spirit of furious indifference to it. Desire life like water and yet drink death like wine.” I love that! I want to fully emerge myself in the abandon of God’s love, and have the courage to live my life with a furious indifference to it.

I long to feel liberated of the fear bondage.  Earthly belongings and possessions are ephemeral in nature, as we may loose some or gain some. In the end it’s just stuff. Should I live my life in fear of potential adversity? Absolutely not! I am still apprehensive at times, but brave in the trust that God will make sense of it all. In the meantime I can still be a good wife, a good mother, a good friend, and continue to obey in my walk and be patient: “Don’t get tired of doing what is good. Don’t get discouraged and give up for we will reap a harvest at the appropriate time”. Galatians 6:9.

So if courage is defined as the ability to do something that frightens me, then I am courageous! I will swim upstream despite the hostile currents because these impossible circumstances will bring God to do the impossible in me. My ammunition for gaining courage will be Philippians 4:13: “I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with plenty or little”, Psalm 27:14: “Wait patiently on the Lord.”, and last but not least ” Be brave little piglet!” (Winnie the Pooh).

Word of the day: VALOR

By Roxana Phillip-Hackett
Roxana is a wife of one, mother of two, who loves to share her faith with sincerity and honesty from her home in Hendersonville Tennessee. 

There’s no going back after a hysterectomy, you can’t have it reversed or have all the bits put back in place because you’ve changed your mind. Many months following the surgery were spent grieving the loss of a potential baby, the loss of pregnancy and motherhood. The loss of shared joys with my husband. The loss of deciding on names and debating who the baby looked like. I grieved the loss of packing school lunches, cheering at sports days and kissing scraped knees. So many experiences that would never be known to me. So I got right down to the business of feeling sorry for myself, I cried in the shower, in the car, walking my dog.  Nobody in my life, apart from my loving and patient husband, knew what my life had become.

I tried everything to rid myself of the emotional pain I was feeling, a raw, lonely ugly pain that was growing day by day. I took on a demanding job so I didn’t have time to scratch myself let alone feel sorry for myself. I received medical help from my wonderful Dr, I had grief counselling.  I took up exercise and lost 15kg running and lifting weights. I looked great…but on the inside I was weak and falling apart.

 The months rolled on filling me up with resentment, jealousy and a burning anger that consumed my days. With no end in sight I decided it was finally time to do something different. To take real action and finally get out of this mess I was in. 

So one morning not too long ago I’d made my decision. I was going to take my own life. I’d been on the phone to my sister and her husband.  I’d finally told the truth about how I felt.  They were upset, worried and supportive.

After the call I pathetically curled up on the kitchen floor and started crying..again! what was the purpose of living a life like this with no child of my own to love and raise. Why was I here? I cried and cried.  I was in real physical pain, my heart was tearing into pieces, I couldn’t  breath properly. I’d made up my mind to end my life that day.

 I don’t know really how to describe what happened after that. Clearly I didn’t end my life. As I lay there I heard or felt a message come into my mind and body.  The words I heard where “Come as you are”. I don’t have a Christian background, I had no solid knowledge of the Bible or church life. I’d experienced  small snipets here and there from the Christian world. I thought Christianity was nice for other people but I could never be good enough for a life like that. So I lived my life pretty much as if God didn’t exist and basically  ignored Him.

So, in my despair, when I felt this undeniable message I was really honestly confused but I listened. I grabbed hold of this life line.

 Looking back I believe it was Jesus reaching out a hand to me, saying come as you are, we can work it all out as we go along. And this is exactly what he’s doing. He’s pointed me to a wonderful church, just around the corner from my home. I’m reading the Bible everyday and I’m learning how to have a relationship with God.

  I will spend the rest of my life thanking Him for saving me. The same God who put the stars in the sky loves me! The Holy spirit is in me! Me, who thought my life meant nothing. I have come to God just as I am, broken, lost and afraid. He knows my name. He knows my heart ache and pain. I’m not forgotten to Him. He has plans for me.

I’m learning that if we have God and we have His word we have everything, all goodness, wisdom, comfort and strength flows from Him. I have made it my lifes mission to love God and love people.

So I suppose you could say that I’ve started a new life, a life in Jesus. A life of prayer and love. A life with a hope for the future.  A life that continues to flourish and this goodness flows into all parts of my life, my family, friends and community.

I’d  like to finish with part of Psalm 25…these words reflect my heart and how I want to follow Gods will for my life, how I want to follow the paths He points out for me.

“IN YOU, LORD MY GOD I PUT MY TRUST. Show me your ways Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me for you are God my saviour and my hope is in you all day long” 

By Natalie Wales | Freelance Writer

Safety and protection is extremely important to me, especially since we’ve had children. I am neurotic about praying, especially before we leave the house, but even after my husband and kids get out the door I still pray some more. Sometimes, I think I am “wearing” God out with my litany of prayers: “I am sure you heard me God, but maybe one more prayer will really get your attention!!”  I sure hope you don’t judge my transparent confession, but there it is. In all honesty, I realize my prayers are heard, but I am the fretter type and my compulsive prayers bring me relief. I know God is in control; I just have to explain it to my heart at times. After all, Isaiah 40:28 assures us of this: “Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the creator of the ends of the earth neither faints or is weary.”

In any case, three weeks ago, the kids and I got rear ended with a strong thud by another car. Oh no, I thought as I pulled on the side of the road, we had an accident even though I pray against it every day! The kids were shaken, but physically all right, I felt fine but overwhelmed by the flurry of policemen, firemen, and paramedics. It was my first serious accident, but I kept my composure, felt calm and relaxed. These were perplexing emotions to me, especially in a shocking situation, as I had been struggling with anxiety for the past year. The young girl who hit us was angrily crying in her car, shooting scornful, annoyed looks my way as if I caused this accident. Still, I felt unfamiliarly calm and collected, noticing everything almost in slow motion, but with a clear, cogent mind. A good friend of mine just happened near by and stopped to offer us support, which I was really grateful for. My kids were dutifully watching from inside the car, peeking through the back window and munching on raisins. I started to smile when I saw their stuffed cheeks, and curious eyes. The cop seemed to comfort the young girl more than me, challenging the damage to my “existing old car”, as he put it, in a derisive and crass manner. Slowly, all the commotion dissipated, and we arrived home safely.

Naturally, following such a traumatic event, I would release my agitation by crying, but somehow composure and peace lingered, and I felt unperturbed.

Of course, I felt gratitude for having a “mild” accident, and I thanked God for keeping us safe, but I still was a little aggravated that the accident happened in the first place. I kept hoping that if I pray against accidents, that they will never happen… I asked for further prayer following this incident, that my hurt back will heal, and so many people reached out to me. The prayer chain spread through different means, and kind, loving people that I didn’t even know from across the world, were praying and encouraging me. I felt so loved and looked after. Then on Sunday, at church, another sweet lady confided that she was driving by the accident that day, and she asked God to give me peace, strength, and for all of us to be safe and unhurt. My heart skipped a bit, as I quickly traced my inexplicable calm posture to her ardent prayer. That is why, I wasn’t freaking out with tears and panic! God had sent one friend directly to the scene of the accident, and another to drive by exactly at that time and exalt that specific prayer. I felt God telling me: “Just trust already! Trust that I will keep you safe, as you ask me every day. I can’t stop accidents from happening in this fallen world, but I can prove my love to you amid the chaos.”

The thing about trust, is that is always done without the presence of any evidence, but here I was presented with loving proof from God that He was in control of my life sending me protection, and people to sustain me. I tangibly felt God trying to teach me a lesson in trust. James 1:2-4 instructs us to “Consider it joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

So, even though I suffer in pain with a bruised back, and tissue damage, I am grateful for the ability to see great doctors, who have assured me I would heal fairly soon. Not only that, but while dealing with the back issues, the doctor discovered a certain imbalance that was causing my unwanted, spontaneous anxiety: “And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good…” Romans 8:28. God used this misfortune to bring about more good and increased restoration in my life. He is so concerned and involved at all times, that He even led me to this specific verse that spoke directly to my heart, while I was worrying about my back bones being undamaged:

“And The Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and make your bones strong, and you shall be like a watered garden, like an ever flowing spring.” Isaiah 58:11. How can I not trust that?

By Roxana Phillip-Hackett
Roxana is a wife of one, mother of two, who loves to share her faith with sincerity and honesty from her home in Hendersonville Tennessee.  

The silence that followed the unprovoked attack was incredibly unnerving. A few dared to look up and survey the carnage while most of us kept our heads low and pretended to be completely engaged in our rings and fingernails.

My mind began to process the situation, trying to figure out what triggered the attack . . .

This is not about ‘this’ . . . This was about ‘THAT’!

But of course!

So often people snap and spew hurtful words at bizarre times. We who witness or worse yet, receive the blows wonder what on earth just happened. The savage verbal hit is typically undeserved leaving us scratching our heads and wanting to duck for cover.

The thing is, this is rarely about this but rather about that. When seemingly sane people suddenly lash out irrationally it’s usually due to a trigger. Something said or done reminds them of a hurt from their past and click the bomb goes off. That is what they are angry at, not you and not whatever just transpired. In fact, it may be an old hurt from decades before.

It’s kind of like my dog.

She was a pound rescue and besides her oversized ears, she appeared to be a very loving, secure and ‘normal’ dog. After a few weeks with us, however, while horsing around in the kitchen one day, I whipped a towel playfully at the kids. As soon as she heard the snapping sound, she snapped! It was completely unexpected and over the top. Not in her true character at all. Clearly this little pup had a bad experience with some abuse or something that brought out the fight or flight in her.

Ten years later, a bit more sure of herself, she can now handle a few snapping sounds before she goes off but the programming is still there.

I believe we all have old thats.

While we may not be able to rewire our brains overnight to disconnect the this’s to the thats, as we mature and friends come alongside us in love to help us recognize patterns, slowly we can surrender our old hurts to the Lord and receive healing; fully and completely.

My heart is gravid with anger and my spirit laden with anguish. How could this much torment and sorrow come into our lives again… Why did the innocent children have to die at Sandy Hook Elementary, and why more murder and massacre in Boston’s marathon… I am so enraged, as I want to holler with shrills of devastation for all these victims, for all the wounded, for all the blood shed, and for those left behind trying to make sense of their fractured lives, and then go through the agony of the inevitable acceptance of their graven reality.

I weep along with all the parents that have lost their precious children at Sandy Hook school, and with the families of  those heroic teachers, and along with the families of the three killed in Boston massacre. Lu Lingzi, a Boston student from China, loved dark chocolate, and marveled at American waffles, little eight year old Martin Richard was a sweet boy who loved baseball, Krystle Campbell was always sharing her beautiful smile, and Sandy Hook’s littlest students were preciously living their fragile lives with innocence and joy…So, again, why do we have to endure so much terror?

Ecclesiastes 9:12 says, “People can never predict when hard times might come. Like fish in a net or birds in a snare, people are often caught by sudden tragedy.” We live in a fallen world that is under the oppression of the Evil one. The bible warns us in many places that Satan tries to control this world. 1 John 5:19 says “We know that we are children of God and that the world around us is under the power and control of the evil one”, in John 12:31 Jesus refers to Satan as the “mighty prince of the power of air. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God”. However this does not mean that God is not in control over our lives, He is forever sovereign over all creation, but that Satan like a “roaring lion” is looking to devour his next victim. (1 Peter 5:8).

Our world is up against terrorists consumed by voracious evil, devoid of any conscience, ill minded individuals with false beliefs. We cannot spend our time trying to understand the reasons behind their heinous crimes. Their identity is in depravity, acting with corrupt minds, fulfilled by inflicting suffering around them. 2 Corinthians 4:4 explains: “Satan, the god of this evil world, has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe”.

In the first two chapters of the book of Job, Satan challenges Job with a lot of peril in his life. Job was faithful, blessed and protected by God, but Satan said to God , “…Job blesses you because you bless him” (Job 2:4), but , “Take away everything he has and he will surely curse you to your face” (Job 1:11). But Job did not blame God for any devastation in his life. Satan hated Job and all who love God and he will do anything to destroy anyone at any cost.

I know that there is nothing I can say or do for the victims’ families to ameliorate their pain, except bring their loved ones back into their longing arms…But I want them to know that we are aware of their pain, that we grieve along with them, we feel their distress and we reach out to them in prayer of restoration, and solace for their souls. As Romans 12:15 says “We weep with those who weep”, and we are willing to share in their sorrow, for we are all vulnerable in this world and not exempt from turmoil. We must all sustain and support each other physically, emotionally, spiritually, and not let those suffering fall into a bitter and barren existence.

We cannot allow evil to win over our lives, and we must proclaim victory in our courage to keep going until we will see our loved ones again. In John 16:33 God encourages us : “Here on earth, you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”  Of course, my heart still bleeds when I ponder and imagine the horrific, cold-blooded actions that took place. Would it be helpful for me to hate these killers, or would the hatred be simply absorbed and swallowed by the evil within them…I am conflicted in my mercy, and tormented by the grace of forgiveness, unwilling too extend it , knowing it would be undeserved. But God is love, and that what I saw during the aftermath of these senseless killings. People weren’t concerned with hatred and judgment. They acted with courage, charity, compassion, fortitude and heroism. Love, by far surpassed the hatred, and from what I see it still outpours through helping hands, and prayerful lips.

Now, as I think of the departed ones, I imagine splendid cherubs lifting the littlest victims up to Heaven, and guardian angels welcoming the ones who have perished. I too, kneel down and pray continuously for strength, restoration, and for God to keep us all safe as we proclaim: “No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death or life, neither angels or demons, neither our fears for today, or worries about tomorrow, neither height or depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord,” Romans 8:37-39.

By Roxana Phillip-Hackett
Roxana is a wife of one, mother of two, who loves to share her faith with sincerity and honesty from her home in Hendersonville Tennessee.  

When a man journeys toward his destiny, often he is obliged to change paths. At other times, the forces around him are too powerful and he is compelled to lay aside his courage and yield. All this is part of the apprenticeship. Paulo Coelho

“Sometimes pursuing your dream is like digging through a dark tunnel.” I told my husband last year. There were times when I thought I’d suffocate under the load of working full time, studying part time and you know, just living.
“You just have to be careful the whole thing doesn’t implode, to stop every now and then,” he advised as he drove me to the cafe for a break. It was a Sunday and like every other day I started with coffee and my journal but I left my uni books at home. Instead of legs and shoes, I looked up, I saw faces and took time to observe.

“Observe,” said da Vinci, “observe in the streets at twilight, when the day is cloudy, the loveliness and tenderness spread on the faces of men and women.”

The couple next to us at the long communal table were doing the crossword. They read the questions aloud. They puzzled over the missing word then asked my husband if he knew. Of course he knew. My husband has an incredible knowledge on almost absolutely everything! The word fit and we celebrated this achievement with our laughter. This was words with strangers not words with friends but it felt all warm and cozy in the shelter of the cafe as the wind blustered outside.

My husband was right. Taking time is a wonderful thing, even when it seems like there is too much at stake if we stop, even when we are afraid to take our eyes off the goal. It reminds me of Elijah and his promise to bless Elisha.

When they had crossed, Elijah said to Elisha, “Tell me, what can I do for you before I am taken from you?”
“Let me inherit a double portion of your spirit,” Elisha replied.
“You have asked a difficult thing,” Elijah said, “yet if you see me when I am taken from you, it will be yours—otherwise not.”
As they were walking along and talking together, suddenly a chariot of fire and horses of fire appeared and separated the two of them, and Elijah went up to heaven in a whirlwind. Elisha saw this and cried out, “My father! My father! The chariots and horsemen of Israel!” And Elisha saw him no more. 2 Kings 2: 9 -12

While we are tunnelling in the dark with our head down there’s an overwhelming fear we might miss out. We wonder if we’ll make it to the table when they’re sharing out the cards to play. God reminds us that we can only do our part and the rest is up to Him. Sometimes we are compelled to lay aside our courage and to yield. The path we are on may not be the path we’d choose but He, in his wisdom, prepares us. It is all a part of the apprenticeship. The double portion is still to come.

By Clare Froggett | Freelance Writer | Teacher | Website
Photograph by Tracey Berry. Find more like this on Instagram: @traceaberry

However, in dealing with the everyday struggles of raising my son and daughter, God has opened my eyes and heart to see the truth of Psalm 127:3. These are three lessons I have learned about receiving my children as my reward from God.

1. Relying on God
As a parent I have had to rely on God more than ever. In those early months after giving birth, the physical and emotional toil of being a new parent wore me down. I love to sleep, yet sleep was the one thing my son did not want to do. His constant crying made me anxious to the point where I imagined I could still hear it even when I was alone in the shower. The hardest part of being a new mom was realising there was precious little I could control about my life anymore. Much of my day, such as deciding when to change clothes, eat or shower, depended on my child’s schedule. I felt like my identity was being stripped away from me and all I was left with was a very tired and resentful person.

In those hard times, I could only pray, “Help me, God, to make it through this day!” And he did help me, not only to survive, but to eventually thrive. Day by day, I learned how to live out my new role as a mom. I came to know my children better and how to meet their needs. I learned how to meet my own needs as well by meeting regularly with other moms to share our struggles and pray for each other. As my kids grow, I continue to rely on God for wisdom, especially when they ask hard questions about life and death. Through all this, parenting has given me the opportunity to deepen my relationship with God, which is definitely a positive in my life.

2. Changing my perspective
Having kids has changed my perspective on what matters. Before I became a parent, I was very task oriented. I liked to get things done, whether it be at home or at work, and I wanted them done my way. My children have changed my “Martha” attitude to be more like “Mary’s” (Luke 10:38-42). I am learning to put people before things and to-do lists. I find joy in slowing down and reading books with my kids as they sit in my lap. Just seeing their delight in blowing a dandelion makes me smile.

Being a mom also gives me a wonderful window into how God parents his children. If my love for my children is so great, how much more is God’s love for me! Even though I am not nearly as cute as my son or daughter, he treasures me as his very own. His patience for me inspires me to be a more patient parent. Being able to understand God’s grace for me and my sins is all the more significant now that I am a parent.

3. Strengthening my marriage
My marriage is much stronger now after having children. Surprisingly enough, even though my husband and I have less time together, we are more unified than before. Before we had kids, we were each caught up in our own schooling or work, but now as parents, we share a common interest and goal. Though we need to work harder to communicate (we do get interrupted often by little voices), we find our conversations to be more meaningful and focused. We treasure the occasions that we have alone together that much more.

I also see how well we complement each other with our strengths and weaknesses; for example, I tend to function by rules, while my husband is more relaxed. Bringing different backgrounds and personalities into our parenting roles adds a good balance to our family dynamics. I appreciate my husband so much more now as I see how he willingly sacrifices for our family and tries to raise our children in a godly manner. The addition of children has blessed my marriage in ways I could not have imagined.

I can happily and confidently testify to the truth of Psalm 127:3 now. Children are a reward from God. My son and daughter are God’s biggest blessings in my life (after salvation and my husband). I don’t know what I did to deserve such great rewards as them, but I am grateful for them every day.

By Liwen Y. Ho | Freelance Writer | Website
Liwen is a full time wife and mom and a part time writer.  She is the author of her first children’s book, ‘A Rainbow of Nine Colors’ and blogs about life as a recovering perfectionist.

The tears began to flow from my eyes. I’ll admit, I do not confess to have the gift of prophesy, but I felt an urging to speak life and give her hope. I looked my beautiful friend straight in the eyes and said, “Our GOD will restore. Our GOD will restore, and then you will take back what the dirty locust has eaten. The months and days that you have been in bondage to these insecurities will be restored to you.” My friend looked at me and as she wept, she whispered back, “Yes, I want it all back.”

I struggled with writing this series. In all honesty, the pain is still very tender. You see, years ago, my marriage was attacked and nearly destroyed because of several reasons, one of those being my own secret battle with low self-esteem. I look back and see now where I was entrapped into that very dark pit of comparing myself to others and believing the fake standards that the world had set for beauty. Just being candid, it led me to a shameful sin in my life, the sin of coveting. I wanted her legs, her arms, her tan, her wardrobe. Didn’t I deserve a marriage and a home like she has? Let me have all of these things and I will throw in a little Jesus on the side, and that should make it all complete, right?

I remember shortly after giving birth to my son Tyler, I lost my job, and that, with other compounding factors, led me to that feeling of a low sense of worth. At one time I was fifty to sixty pounds heavier. Enslaved to my bondage with the low self-esteem, I struggled with my eating habits and turned to junk food for comfort. The stress and anxiety of dealing with all of this began to take its toll on my body and at one point my thick brown hair began to slowly fall out. I would weep uncontrollably as I would remove the globs of hair from the bottom of the shower. How could my husband love me when I didn’t even love myself?

I no longer felt attractive and would lounge around at night wearing oversized pajamas. I had absolutely no desire to be intimate with my husband because I could not bear the thought of him seeing me naked. All I chose to see was my stretch marks, the cellulite, the “cottage cheese” legs.. As a matter of fact, at my persistence, sexual encounters rarely took place unless they were in complete darkness.

There were occasions that I can recall when my husband went away on business trips that upon his return home, the first thing I would do was to rummage through his suitcase and sports coat pockets in search of telephone numbers, or messages from other women. I allowed Satan to control and manipulate my thoughts. It was all I dwelled on. My insecurities consumed me.

I don’t know how, but I mustered enough strength and willpower to lose a significant amount of weight. I’ll be honest I was motivated pure out of spite and bitterness towards my husband. It was evident he was so involved in his successful career. We had placed kids, work, community service and other priorities above our marriage, which was desperately struggling. If this makes any sense, at one point we were living in the same house, yet it seemed as if we were merely roommates. My selfish intentions were not to lose the weight for health reasons but to merely get back at him for the rejection I was feeling.

There are many of you reading this even now that you know all about that feeling of rejection. You to are finding yourself right smack dab in the middle of that battle of insecurity that I was in. I want to share with you those very same words I shared with my friend, OUR GOD CAN RESTORE! Cry out to him! Seek healing by studying his word and learning how to be all that God wants you to be instead of focusing on the standards of beauty the world has set for us. It is not an easy road but my friend God will set you free.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:14

By Beverly Weeks | Website

Beverly Weeks is an energized Christian speaker who is devoted to encouraging couples with God’s inspired Word.  She has written numerous online devotions, blogs & articles to exemplify powerful, practical biblical truths to couples standing for their marriage and family. Candidly & transparently, Beverly shares the grace, hope & redemption that Christ offers to all and their marriage relationships. Beverly speaks from personal experience, a confident faith and a zealous passion, proclaiming encouraging messages of hope. She engages women’s groups, churches and conferences with topics such as Battling Low Self Esteem to Healing in Your Marriage. Beverly presently serves with Intentionally Yours, a marriage focused ministry, facilitates Art of Marriage conferences and is a Homebuilder Catalyst for Family Life Ministries.

It’s so great that the train arrived just as we got to the platform.
It’s great that the shop girl had my staff code and gave me a discount.
I can’t believe the book that I wanted was on sale.
Even cheaper with my discount…And so it continues as the train rattles down the line. In time we run out of things to be grateful for. She rubs her arm, unwinds and rewinds the bandage. I watch the silent contemplation in her eyes. “You okay?” I ask. “Yep, just the fluorescent lights and the bandage is tight. I’ll be okay,” she smiles.

The girl at the store had asked if we were having a mother and daughter day, shopping in the city. We both agreed in unison that it was exactly that. How do you explain that in fact you are just filling in time waiting for an appointment at the blood bank. That when the hour is right she will donate her blood but not like everyone else in the waiting room. Not like the others who have a healthy blood count and veins that are easy to get a needle in. Nothing like that. Her blood isn’t good enough for anyone else to make use of. No, her blood is donated so that a scientist in Melbourne can take the plasma and make tiny vials of droplets. When its not too hot, or a freezer is nearby, she can take these frozen drops and squeeze them in her eyes. It’s not a complete solution but because her eyes no longer produce tears, it’s all there is. She doesn’t complain.

She doesn’t complain when the secretary at the Red Cross counter has to make a call because she doesn’t understand the forms. She doesn’t complain when the trainee nurse pokes and prods but cannot find vein nor when she asks how her arms came to be so bruised. She doesn’t complain that she’s weary and drained from the procedure. Instead she is grateful that its a short walk to the train. Though I walk beside her there are times when it doesn’t seem possible that this is our life. I’m an observer from afar. I try to make sense of it all. Like Ondaatjewrites, ” I have been in that hovering unsafe place with no grounding to the unknown miles below.” Yet in this hovering place, just like your daughter said she would be, she’s okay. Not because she’s better, though people wish that she was. “You look great,” they say, “but what’s wrong with your skin?” You look great, what’s wrong with your eyes.” You look great, have you hurt your ankles?”

“No, I’m fine,”she replies, “just GVHD.” When they look at her strangely, she laughs, “don’t worry about it.” It’s too hard to explain how it is. If it weren’t for all the external signs no one would ever know that life is managed now between a multitude of specialists and the coordination of a complexity of drugs. No one would know because she’s not complaining. No, she is shiny and bright like the lost coin.

I think about the parable as the train clatters through tunnels, around corners and past suburban homes. I think about the story that I’ve been sharing with the children at school. Most of all, the thing I love about teaching, are all the things the children teach me. No wonder Jesus said we should come as a child. After reading the parable and searching for chocolate coins in the playground I sit all the children down on the mat and I ask them, “What do you think Jesus meant when he said we were like the lost coin?” The hands shoot up and there are a host of explanations. Things that you and I would never think of.

The older children tell me that it’s a story of perseverance, of never giving up, of looking everywhere you can and eventually you will find what you lost. I like the answers from the younger ones best. One child tells me that we are like the coin because we have round faces and coins are round. Another tells me that maybe God is the gold coin and we are the silver ones. That we are supposed to shine for Him. Then one girl thoughtfully tells me that her Gran has got dark coins, made of bronze, that they’re not worth much. She tells me that Jesus sees us all like the gold ones, we are so precious to him. That even if we aren’t worth anything to anyone else he would search and search for us because he just loves us so much.

I don’t why I think about this on the train or really what it has to do with our day. All I know is that what has been lost, He can restore. What I see is not what He sees. I’ll never understand why God didn’t prevent the coin from rolling away in the first place, or why things got to be so dark, or why the quality of her life had to suffer. What I do know is that He can be trusted to take care of our lives, that we are more precious to Him than we can imagine. I also know that the end result has everything to do with Him and His grace and nothing to do with anything we’ve done. Slowly it comes into focus, “A bruised reed, I will not break,” and somehow this simple truth from His word is all I need for today.

By Clare Froggett | Freelance Writer | Teacher | Website

Photograph courtesy of Tracey Berry. More images like these can be found on Instagram @traceaberry